Cool chapter...cool story! Better than mine! lol Keep it up!
Author's Response: Lol ty :P
Also, you've got the mystey factor working for you.
A few of the scenes feel kinda dry though, and are a little cofusing in their progresion and exacution...
But these are things that are easily be improved upon, and besides those, it's a good chapter, keep it up.
Oh, and did that floor thing in your shed go over alright?
That can be a bitch sometimes...
Anyway, good work.
Author's Response: Yeah, it went great, just peel off the bottom and stick it down, easy. AND I PUT MY NIRVANA POSTER UP! :D I shall show you some of my art one day, when my scanner is reborn.
Sorry, I was busy reading a book called Blood and Money, by Thomas Thompson, it's about one of the most famous Texas murder cases ever, the Joan and John Hill murder trials.
John was acused of killing his wife, and in turn was assasinated, by Bobby Wayne Vandiver... my grandfather...
So, I'm just reading up on my family's history...
It's a really good book, if you can find it, I'd recomend it, and it's incredably acurate,and very compeling
Anyway, Nice chapter, I really like the way the story's progressing.
Author's Response: Woah, a murder in the family, everyone else gets the interesting family stories :P
^ ^ Wonderful!
Author's Response: Thanks
I like it so far. Update soon. PLEASE?!
Author's Response: Maybe I will, maybe I won't, depends how many reviews I get doesn't it? :P *hinthint*
Nice chapter, and no, I didn't find it confusing, it was all pretty strait forward to me.
What WAS confusing was some of the speach, you might want to make it more apparent who's speaking from here on, but that's just me.
And no, I'm not going to take that class, I already know some moves, and I've learned that no number of moves can stop a bullet, they can hamper a blade, but they won't stop the bleeding.
I've had myself tested, I'm more skilled in firearms and melee combat then in hand-to-hand.
Nice work.
Author's Response: O_O OK? Well, yes, hmm.
It was confusing. 0.0 But that's why I like it. Update soon. Again.
Author's Response: I will soon
That was certainly interesting to say the least. It makes me wonder if the Sonadow element will just be a small factor in this story.
Crits:
There were a significant number of spelling and grammar errors in this one. However you recognised this yourself, so it's really not worth pointing out. Although it did distract me from the story somewhat.
There were some poorly constructed sentances as well. (mainly the redundant words, which you could have left out) In defence, none of that matters as much as the story itself. Which quite frankly is rather difficult to follow, but I trust that is all part of the plan.
Author's Response: Yeah, sorry, I'm trying to get word working again. The sonadow will sort of build up through the story, it is important. And yes, difficult is the key word ^_^
I apologize, I was... away again, I need to keep my gun skills sharp.
You never know when you'll need to pull a quick headshot.
Anyway, very nice work, It's, in my opinion, better than Broken Hero.
You're moving at a good pace, the story is nice, and what I think is best is that the Sonadow relashinship (No spellcheck...) is moving slowly, it's not just jumping right into it, THAT is VERY important.
Since there isn't much wrong here, AND I'm in a good mood, (My aim STILL owns beyond limitations!) Great job!
Author's Response: 1. Thankyou, 2. Thankyou even more, 3. Thankyou times infinty, 4. You need to get a hobby, a normal hobby. How about tae kwon do? :P
Wow, confusing, but wow! I love this story! Great work!
Author's Response: Lol, thanks
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