Just saying someone is Emo is just plain stupid when introducing a story. You should allow the change to be a progression of the story, and specify where this story takes place. (Like mine are mostly AU.) “Anyway” is a terrible way to go from the epilogue section of the story to the narrative hook. Thoughts, much like speech, should not be thrown into the midddle of a paragraph or the start unless the entire paragraph is on or about that one thought.

Why does Tails dress that way? If mentioning his normalness, why not mentions his abnormal tails? Why is he not living with you? Why is he only staying at your house for a few days?

You never mention any conversation of hunger, or any indication of being hungry but suggest pizza out of the blue. This is abnormally fast paced. (Though mine are often to slow....heh heh.) You should comment on the journey to the pizza parlor. What kind of pizza did you order? Who ordered? If you, since that is what I am guessing, ordered then what was Tails doing?

GIVE EACH PERSON TALKING THERE OWN LINE! IT GETS CONFUSING IN THE WAY YOU POSTED IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

On the way home, comment on the eery silence or something. Re-mention things that on the way there seemed to be normal suddenly become happier or sadder, depending on what mood you want to set up.

SEE LAST ALL CAPS!

Mention the phone rings!!! I had to reread that line three times to understand the phone RANG!

AGAIN WITH THE CONVERSATION THING! OH, and TOO FAST!

No relationship background, no talk of how long waiting for seven was, no symbolic dream of disaster or something to that effect, yup, this is way to rushed/fast.

*Come in* “Comin’” means that you are coming, not an invitation to come in.

You do not tell how famous or something that the Red Robin is.

Too fast, you should speak about things at dinner, a slight caress here, small talk here, awkward then one sets there foot forward, etc.

Sex scene is too boring more detail. Let loose more. Also, when did the kiss happen?