Okay I'm not gonna sugarcoat here - this story is pure CRAP. You write like a 10 yo and the policy of this site forbids anyone who is under 18 to submit anything here. Admin is pretty sensitive about this.
Author's Response: this is CRAP and so are YOU
Author's Response: Also fuck age
Well, I don't like this story that much, to be honest. -_- Okay, I don't understand anything that happened here, so I can't really review. Sorry. ^^;
Author's Response: see i knew nobody would like it
More length. Please. This is going somewhere. Any who, the whole Silver thing is random, and I can't understand what the who-ha is going on. Work on it.
xD YAY!! im proud of you ^^ much MUCH better...
but still something still burns my eyes... NO speech marks!! >.< hard to read and understand who's speaking...
Author's Response: ill start using shakespear methods
you'r still confusing me slightly since you don't put quotes around talking. You're length is better yes but you still need the quotes
Okay, I am going to write one hell of a page of tips for you, dude..*crackles knuckles* xD
1) Please do not write only two paragraphs.. yes this may be your first time but I can't say this is the best I've seen in length... if your only going to write that much SAVE your work and then continue it later until it's at LEAST a page.. please, you can do better than this..
2) Your grammar is alright, I can't blame or critize you because not even I can do any better. But seriously.. when you make someone speak you should add speech marks. E.g "I am a cat, who lives inside hat." Sorry for being simple but speech marks are important for spoken pieces.
3) The plot is great so far.. everything starts from somewhere.. like a seed blossoming into a flower.. xD. But.. I wouldn't mind seeing a LITTLE more detail on this plot..
I am not trying to make you feel bad.. I apologise greatly if I have offended you in anyway.. I am only trying to help.. ignore me if you wish but I am only trying to guide you t being a great author one day. I have faith in you
I can't wait to see your next chapter, and if you improve on these small thing's I swear you'll get better throughout it ^^
Btw once again, not trying to flame you or anything, these are JUST tips..
*hugs you* I believe in you!! ^^" good luck, and fairwell for now.
Alright definatly need more discriprion and longer chapters. You have an interesting idea but some of this just confused me slightly since it jumped around. So add some discription and I think you'd be ok
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