Who the fuck was calling em?!?! lol it was good I love lemons XD
Author's Response: That will be answered in the next chapter. Can you help me with "lemons"?
No offense, but this is not a very good lemon. (Lemons wouldn't be around 600-700 words, I think.) *sweat drop* More emotion and less choppy-ness would be better. In one of your paragraphs you used the word 'pain' in every single sentence of it. I would try to stay away from this repetitiveness. Rating: 2/5 because I think you're trying.*nods* Keep it up, and keep improving like the rest of us. ^^
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice. Can you please tell me what a story should sound like?
Apologies for flooding your review with a double post but the formating didn't come out. Takashi got the italics and for bold, do the same thing but replace the "i" with "b"
Looking forward to your next chap!
Author's Response: Thanks with the help again. I'm doing the second Chapter right, if you want you can give me some ideas on what I should put in my story.
Some good advice there from Takashi.
Microsoft Word is your friend. As for the formating for posting up here:
Italics - (text)
Bold - (text)
That's really all you will need.
Otherwise, congrats on starting your writing. It seems like it will be very difficult but the next thing you know, you have a couple thousand words under your belt. Just shoot for length. Maybe instead of doing 5 chapters of 500 words each, compress them to 1 chapter of 2500 or 2 of 1250. Don't be afraid to use page breaks to show a change of scene.
Author's Response: This for your help. I have to admit that I love the Microsoft Word and I'm glad I have it. Anyway thanks for your help. ~Starts to blush~
Do I hope it shows up, if not: < i > and < /i > without the spaces. Hope that helps. Oh, adn try writing a story using a text file. Then you don't WRITE THE WHOLE THING IN A SITTING. Most authors don't do that.
Author's Response: Thanks for your help. I'm doing that right now with chapter 2.
WHY DO ALL SONADOW FANS HATE AMY?! (I like the Fleetway one. XD) Um, more length would make me happy. At LEAST 500 words, if you have this much trouble with length.
Any who, here's some critique ^^: "So you was going to surprise me hmm"? Is grammatically incorrect. It should be: "So, you were going to surprise me, hmm?"
Another sentence: 'Sonic went to open the door and he was upset that it was Amy Rose.' How about something more descriptive on Amy's characteristics?
Now for thoughts: Oh shit what does she want Sonic thought. Do this: Oh shit! What does she want? Sonic thought. OR 'Oh shit! What does she want? Sonic thought. Either or.
Besides that, this OKAY in my book. Hope you improve and continue. ^^
Author's Response: Thanks for the advice. I'll take your advice and make the changes. Like I said I'm bad at grammer.
Author's Response: This is my second responds. On your second request, I typed my work on sonadow.com so I couldn't change the font on what I wrote or I just don't know how.
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