Interesting, I will admit. Your sentence structure, on the other paw, can use some brushing up on. Same with that last sentence with the narration. You've just turned the story into a confusing third/second/first person chapter. Try to stay away from that. I notice that an author, Lemony Snicket, uses that technique, but some people it gets confusing at times. Save for that, great job. Can't wait to see what happens next. ^^

Truthfully, the beginning wasn't very good. I mean, the start was too quick and wouldn't those chains limit Shadow's movement? I would suggest getting your POVs straightened out as well. I've been getting dizzy.... O_o Not to mention, avoid bad repetition. It's choppy as well. Eh, continue, though. I'm sure that since it's old you'll improve it. ^^

Author's Response: lol, yea. That was last October.. O.o' Creepy, right? Hehe. They'll be better from now on. Pwomise!