*volunteers for beta reader*
No, seriously, if you need one (and if it will make you churn out stuff faster ;)) I can be your girl. :D The only(!) thing that squicks me out is mpreg, tho, maybe not that...but if it's something in the same vein as To Every Story or similar, I'd love to!^^
Anyway, the last chappie was a very cool ending. Especially the little details you could slip in despite the Bar Maid's POV! All in all, this was extremely original and very fun. I loved the last sentence, coz I'm sure everyone here *had* a silly grin plastered on their faces while reading this...;) Cool work!
Author's Response: You know Mpreg squicks me out two, there’s just something wrong about two males popping out a kid (although I did read one story where the premise was handled quite well – unfortunately it was in another fandom). You know hun if your still interested in helping me out with grammar and such once I’ve finally finished this dreaded outline then I will most certainly would be grateful for your help ^^ I am so glad you enjoyed the ending of this story! I was rather nervous posting it, since I knew it was quite different from the other two chapters. Thanks so much for all your encouraging reviews.
Aww!! So cute. I only saw three mistakes: resit~resist in the fifth paragraph, you~your sixth, and ridicules~ridiculous in the eighth. Hope you write another story again soon, I really enjoyed this story!
PS~ It was still a good chapter even though it was short.
Author's Response: Thanks hun, I’ve been through and fixed all those errors up! (I really should find myself a betta reader *sweat drop*) I am glad you enjoyed the chapter, although I still feel the urge to apologise for the lack of length. *Hugs* thanks for sticking with me through this little story.
A brilliant chapter, and the first person style is still brill. You really bring out shadow's hatered for human's, keep it up can't wait for the next chapter ^^
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review hun. I am exceedingly pleased that you enjoy the way I write Shadow. *glomps*
awww, next chappie is already last?! come on, do a sequel! do a new story! write an entire novel!
...you notice I like your writing?^^
Heh, Shadow's cute, and I love the jokes. The little narrative sections at the end of the chappies, I like a lot...
"Perhaps it’s an instinctive need to connect with another being on an emotional level, or perhaps it’s simply the fact I am on my fifth drink and counting."
XD XD XD
as for any grammar tidbits, you might wanna watch out for not misspelling 'You're' as 'Your' Or 'It's' as 'Its'...in short, some apostrophes and 'barely' instead of 'barley', which I think is some sort of plantlife.
Next installment! next installment, pretty please! :D
Author's Response: Aww hun your making me blush! I do have another story in the backburner right now, but I don’t think I’ll be posting it for a while. Not until I have every chapter completely planned to my satisfaction. (And of course its nothing like the story I just posted, its third person P.O.V after all!) That sentence you quoted was what started this whole idea, that and I was wondering what it would be like to own a bar XD. Thanks so much for pointing out those mistakes, I’ll be going back through and fixing them up ASAP. *Glomps*
When he was asked how he felt when Sonic was gone you put "His" I think it's supposed to be "He's". Good chapter.
Author's Response: I appreciate you pointing that out SB, I’ll be going back through and fixing that up ASAP. *Glomps* thanks for the review!
Aw, those muses.... Always changin' on ya. Any who, nice beginning for the chapter. Really draws ya in. And I like your version of Shadow. His constant insults are very entertaining. Only issues are two spelling errors: barley--barely and relived--relieved. That's it. I'm giving you a 5/5 so far. ^^ Keep it up.
Author's Response: Muses are a necessary evil… but I am still going to burn that baseball bat! Thanks so much for pointing these errors out to me! I am going to go through and change them all immediately, and I am going to add those words to my list of ‘check carefully when writing’ so I can try to avoid doing it again. I am glad you found the insults entertaining, and thanks so much for taking the time to review *hugs*
hey, that was pretty cool - I like the refreshing style it's written in, almost like one of those choose your own adventure books there at the end...made me chuckle a few of times.^^ write another chappie or another one-shot, please? :)
Author's Response: *Glomps* I adore your story Once Upon a Time… and I really need to stop changing the subject. There's more to this story, I am simply one of those slow updaters, that make anyone wonderful enough to review wait at least a week between postings ^^; I’ve always wanted to write one of those choose your own adventure stories but it always seemed so very complicated, and beyond my abilities. I was a huge fan of them when I was younger. Thank you so much for the review, they’re the fuel that keeps an author going!
that was one the best opening chapters ive read yet ^^
Author's Response: Aww, thankyou so much! Hopefully the next chapter can meet your expectations.
Oh i like the way you use Sonic's mind to talk the reader through the whole chapter one, it really describes him and how he felt, it really pulls you right in. a very lovely story i can't wait to see the next chapter, great chapter i might add if i haven't mention it, lol.
Author's Response: Thank you so very much! I hope the next chapter doesn’t disappoint. ^^
Very good!! Some spelling mistakes, but other than that it was very well done!!
Author's Response: Spelling my old adversary… thanks for pointing this out, I’ll go back through the opening when I have a chance (aka when I am not at work) and see if I can find the errors to fix them up. Also thanks for the review!
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