It made me cry. It was good but oh so sad.

This reminds me of a movie I watched when I was a child. Her husband dies and she wakes up in random places and diffenrent periods of time. I can't actually remember what it was called, but I know that she goes to the place of her husband's death and I can't remember wether she dies or goes back to normal. Her daughter runs through the glass doors, which made me laugh! Anyway, really good! I like it! It's cute! heres a hug for you:-


Author's Response: XDDD thanks

very good story, strong in the emotion department. hope you write another one soon.

Author's Response: thanks for the review, glad you liked it. as for another one, this was intended as a one-shot, so yeah :)

Negative points:
“Sonic sighed as he looked out the window, the warm pleasing sunlight dance along his shinning cobalt fur.”
-3 pts. Change of tense.

“ . . . def ears . . .”
-5pts. Spelling (deaf)

“‘How’d I get in bed?’ he asked, because all he remembered was falling asleep on the couch.”
-0 pt. Too Assuming, thus logically incorrect. Better is “How’d I get in bed?” he asked. He must not have remembered anything after he fell asleep on the couch.” No points are lost if you mean to suggest Sonic knew Shadow did not recall anything prior to falling asleep. (If not, -2 pts.)

-2 points grammar. “‘"I love you to Sonic.’”
I love you too, Sonic.

-3 pt. Grammar: “As the weenies boiled he went to the cupboard and got a small can of chili to finish off his chili dogs.”
As the weenies boiled, he went to the cupboard and got a small can of chili to finish off his chili dogs.
As a side note, I highly advise using grabbed or grasped because “got” really interrupts the flow of the sentence and story.

-3 pts. “It was a story about to sisters and how they each had a lover. ”
Two, not “to”

Positives (Bonus points):
Stream of Consciousness story +3
Ending flow from consciousness +1 (Could have been better)
Reason of insanity +1 (Also could have been better)
Random cookie points (Doesn't affect grade):
I actually like this story. It does an excellent job in actually PULLING me through the story. It made me want to keep reading, and I must say that you could have made one or two things better. My main thing is that, I feel it would have been very elegant to have Shadow actually end up living, showing up at the Hospital and never leaving Sonic's side. If you kept the ending under those circumstances, you would juxtapose the enormous difference in their will power. You could even dedicate a second chapter entirely to Shadow given the above idea, explaining how he deals with this, and tie in Shadow's actions to the comatose Sonic with the hallucinations. You might even explore the idea of Shadow's demons. But, even without this thought, the story serves an excellent example of story telling mastery and an overall extraordinary ability to use the rare-in-modern-form stream of consciousness technique. A thousand cookies to you!
Grade: 89%
Last words:
A must read tragedy.


Author's Response: wow.....y'know for a second there I wasn't gonna read this whole thing, but I wanted to know what you thought so. thanks for all the minus points, lol, I'm not good with the English language therefore I'm not so good with grammer. (really though :) ) I liked the word swapping suggestions, thanks. As far as the flow....I wrote this all off the top of my head, so flow was the last thing on my mind. I didn't want Shadow to show up at all because I didn't want it to be like that, sure it would have been a nice twist, but I figured if someone else wrote this they would have done that. I just wanted to make something different and a little realistic...I hope I did that pretty well. as for a sequel, I think, in the midst of my sickness I intended to keep this a one-shot, so I'll stick to that...for now I guess. Because I think a sequel would just drag? maybe...? um.....thanks for all the cookies XDD *shoves the cookies in a room* Oh, and thank you for the review (no one really reviews like this so THANK YOU), it opened my eyes a lot...I'm gonna have to go back and change somethings that you mentioned. um...what else....glad you liked it...IDK if I said that already and yeah....ja ne :)

wow...this brought a tear to my eye...

Author's Response: .....does that mean you liked it? :/ In any case i'm glad it got a reaction out of you (as a reader), that means I was doing something right. Thanks much for the review