'Sue. Mary-Sue. These creatures are monsters most times. A Mary-Sue is a fictional character where the character is perfect in every single way possible. Commonly found in the Sonic fandom under the title of my "OC!1". They have a tendency to have angsty pasts or wear trendy clothing of the writer's choice. In other words, you're dream character. The whole "Japanese" ethnicity is a common part of Sonic Mary-Sues. That and amazing abilities or looking like Shadow. Their love lives are tragic, but very active, and they always get the guy. Always. Then have sexual intercourse with them. Then they have an angsty break up where the 'Sue goes to another guy. And has sexual intercourse with them. And so on. :P

And, don't get me wrong, not all Mary-Sues are bad. Some are written well, but they're not for the inexperienced. They are hard to handle, and their brothers, Gary/Lary-Stu. My suggestion: Look out for Sue tendencies. Look up "Mary-Sue" on Google and you can find some excellent tests to monitor something like that. ^^

Author's Response: perfect in every way? haha, Mary Poppins!!! (I HATE that movie!) No, Valkyrie isn't like that, she's quite good at some things... but she not perfect!

You don't capitalize "emo", "goth", "punk", "greaser", "soc", or whatever group that is popular to this time period. I...didn't quite like this chapter. One, you put too much detail into these classified groups and it strayed my mind away from the story. Two, a Japanese, red and black echidna with trendy clothing.... My 'Sue senses are tingling. Prove me wrong, please. Don't make this character what I fear she will be. Three, it had Marilyn Manson. XD Okay, that one was a joke, but whatever.

Anyways, I found this chapter straying from your original concept with your useless details. Here's a hard to follow tip: Don't put in too little detail, but try to put in just about what is needed, as in, not too much. Hard? Hell, yes. But, perhaps I can explain this better. You don't need to explain everything everyone is wearing. Only things that interact with the story, or, in your case, what catches the narrator's eye. Sonic wouldn't find what Amy ate for breakfast interesting, so why would he be so interested in every single article of her clothing? He's not a woman, and he doesn't seem gay. Only bisexual. So, put in description, but don't make it tedious. Some authors I've read have done it. Sometimes it's worse than not describing that much. My suggestion on how to watch it is to just write the chapter without worrying about it. Then go back and read through it. Pick out details that aren't needed in the story, are meaningless, and show no significance or are a part of any action in play with the story. I mean, if a character has an nose ring, don't describe his nose ring when he sits down; describe his nose ring when he picks at it. See what I mean? It is brought to attention because something happens that involves it or catches someone's interest. I mean, you can describe clothing, just don't talk about every single thread.

This story has an interesting concept, though. I hope you continue and I hope I helped. ^^

Author's Response: Quote: "a Japanese, red and black echidna with trendy clothing.... My 'Sue senses are tingling." Dont quite get what you mean there (My daughter's father thinks you mean Julie-Su) Also, me be'n a gal and all... it's hard to write from a guys point of view!!! It's very difficult for me to write fics and stick to my ideas... dont ask why cuz I dunno! But I'll try!!!

hmmm......definatly an interesting beginning....I hope to see more to this....

Author's Response: Your wish is my command