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1207maoqiuyun

Bring out the next chapter soon, please

I haven't been able to get on, and this story is a pleasant surprise. But, your flow is choppy and throws me off. For one, you use too many pronouns at times and too many nouns at others. Your tense is a little sloppy as well. Watch out for homophones as well. "whales of sirens" would be "wails of sirens." And, "said" is a good word. You don't need to use "replied," "growled," or any of that stuff. What is even better is to add nothing and continue in the paragraph what the character that said something is doing. The last thing I have a gripe about is your chapter ending. A little bit too corny.

Good things? Your original choice of characters. I like how you added Blaze. Blaze rocks. :P Your plot idea. Very interesting. And what makes me the most happy is your attitude. Thank you for not being a jerk/n00b. It makes me proud to review and help you. Keep up the nice work. And don't worry about pace. Write the story however you want. Things will fall in place. If it's too slow, I'll tell you. XD

Author's Response: Thanks for the review. It really helps to know what I'm doing wrong. Haha I kinda figured that 'whale' was wrong but for some reason I forgot about it. That kind of 'whale' is like the sea animal. Boy was I stupid to forget about that. XD As for 'said'. I have a tendency of not using it all that much because I'm afraid it sounds repeated and over used. But I guess I do that a lot anyway with other words ^_^;; Again, thanks muchly! I'm glad you like it and are willing to help. I'll be sure to try harder with the next chapter.