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*sigh* I come back to this site after a real hard week and what do I find? A crapload of effortless writing on my doorstep. You know, if I weren't a spiteful bastard (which I tend to be at times), I'd say, "Thank God this is your only sonadow." I won't, though. I'm just going to tell you where you went off the road and crashed into several buildings, trees, and a few innocent children.

For one, you started the story in the middle of...of what? 'Sonic thought with annoyance.' What did Sonic think? What was Sonic doing? My brain's fried here. Oh, but then you address the reader. Let me explain: you know how in third person, the narrator does not interfere with the story? Nor does the reader unless it's second person. Books that actually refer to the reader (ex: The Tale of Despereaux) have a tendency to sound dry and not well put together.

Three chapters. Three hundred words. What'd this take you? Fifteen minutes tops? Length is not a prime aspect of chapters, but it shows work. In fact, I take your laziness as a kind of insult. Does this mean you don't care about your own writing? Try at least five hundred words per chapters. That's hardly anything, still. Put some more effort in. I know you can. I have every confidence in you and your ability.

Sonic's random outbursts, particularly at Amy are annoying me to death. For one, we all know Sonic doesn't get angry too often. Everyone in the fandom knows that. He may be short-tempered, but he never gets pissed off, so to say. He's just impatient. By the way, have you ever heard him swear, besides that one line in Shadow the Hedgehog? Of course not. Sonic hardly ever swears. He's not that type of person. A mistake almost everyone makes, I'm afraid. but you need to keep everyone in character. Please. Do it for them. Do it for mustard.

Third chapter, confession, make it as out of character as possible, make it all gushy and fangirl-ish. Please, we have too many of that genre. Too many. Nothing wrong with fluff. I can even abide the fangirl-ness. It's the sudden jolt of genre. How do you guys do it? How do you guys manage to randomly make them confess at some random time in the very beginning? I think it's fascinating. So, more of a steady pace in the story. You need a flow.

As for style, I've seen a wide variety of high school writing. A very, very wide variety. And I've seen better than this. There's no such thing as "high school style." There's only personal style.

All in all, you're writing itself (grammar, etc.) isn't too bad. Just work on the things I mentioned above if you want to be better. ^^ 'Kay? can't wait to see what happens next. You have ability, you just need to expand your talents.