I knew from the title that this would be bad. First dolphin abuse in Japan, now this! >:/ Do NOT ever explain the story through the character's speech. NO. Don't tell us the old lady screamed, bring her out and let her scream, to paraphrase the brilliant Mark Twain. Actions are more interesting than someone reading the story off a post-it note.

"Sonic!!!" Why don't you add in a few more exclamation marks? Here's an example of a better scene: "Sonic!" Tails gasped. He could feel the earth--was it moving beneath them? Sonic was in danger! He leapt forward, but the hedgehog had already nimbly moved backwards. Sound mildly better? More action. More thought. More everything. Not just "!!!" So, be more expressive in your writing.

Grammar was horrendous. "Fly"-"flown." Little things make a huge difference. That was one of many rudely placed sentence structures. Overlook your work. Does it sound smooth? Think of your first draft like an artist does his/her rough animation. Both writer and artist clean up the final draft.

Add more length, also, okay? Shoot for 500 at first, then make it to 1000 as time progresses.

Anyways, you've got the makings for a wonderful writer. You're not as bad as others with your first attempt (better than I was), though the title put me off. Capitalize titles, okay? Any who, I see good things. And, you can only improve from here. Don't give up. I can't wait to see what you do with this. ^^

Author's Response: Thak you for telling me, i'll try my best to fix it sorry about that. =3