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I would love to see more of this story. It was a little confusing at first and I honestly don't know why but I figured it out! (Even though I'm still not sure what it was I was confused about lol) This first chapter is a great start to the story and makes more want more! I really hope you update soon!
you should, continue if you wish
Mind's a little dusty since the last time you used English? No prob, dear writer. I'll try to help you best as I know how. Let's have a little one-sided chat, okay? Okay. *cracks knuckles* Let the education commence.
'As he is crotched down in the running position...' The crotch is the part of the body where the torso meets the legs. Crotching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Sounds...off, huh? You meant the verb crouching. (And why is it the running position? There are several positions runner put themselves to race depending upon distance, sprinting, or cross country.)
'He stands strait up after catching his breath.' You just said that he stands a narrow body of water up after catching his breath. I am confused. Did you mean straight?
'He sat down...staring at the sun...and then the city...then the sun again...the city again...untill finally the sun wasn't visible anymore...only the moon behind him.' Um... Excuse me, but did the sun in front just mystically change into a moon behind him? No, really. I'm puzzled with this one. If there's a time change, at least imply it.
"whatever, i'll just tell you now then..." Amy is ill? Holy schnitzel.
Please capitalize. The part where Tails is acting like a sissy because Knuckles "Marie-d" him has no capitalization in the speech. (By the way, it's married, 'kay? :3)
Your disregard to the use of verb tense has nearly driven me to the precipice of insanity (exaggeration, I've seen worse). Past-Present-Past. Pick one, stick with it. Unless you want to do something freaky that only someone as stupid as I would do. And, believe me, you don't want to sink to my level.
You have potential, but you also have a long ways to go. I suggest you go reread those Phoenix books from grade school. Some brushing up on your memory of spelling and grammar is good for you sometimes. But, on a side note, I can't wait to see how Sonic and Shadow get together when Shadow has Sonic's "girl." Interesting. Can't wait to see how you improve. ^^
OMG!! SHADOW and AMY?! *gags terribly* Despite that being one of the couples I can't seem to stand, I'll make an exception this time. DARN YOU, RACHAEL2000!!!! DARN YOU AND YOUR STORY-TELLING SKIZ-ZILLS!! *coughs* I mean, SKILLS!! *laughs* Anyway, I can't wait to read more. Keep up the good work! *Hands you a cookie for your efforts*
-Alex
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