MUCH BETTER THAN THE FIRST ONE!!!!!!
Space out the talking a bit. I mean, put in some actions in-between each phrase of speech.
It's good to me.
sorry to bugg you about it, again grammer a little bad but your fetting better. uhhhh, if silver has telekinesis than cant sonic and shadow run fast, or did they take a cab because they were being lazy?
but your story seems to grab my attention, i do like it
Author's Response:they were just being lazy. and thanks for reading
you have bad grammer that will confuse some people but i understand it. the story is alright but im not complainin'
Author's Response:yeah i need to work on my grammar
Try to work on paragraphing. When ever a new person starts talking, a new paragraph is made. Also, don't do that *description* thing. *yawn* is a not a very good way to describe things. Asterisks are not a way to go. I see potential in you, but you're going to need a whole lot of work. (But, that's what they invented time and review boxes for, right?) Once you fix your grammar up, maybe we can get talking about style and storytelling. Keep on improving. ^^
Author's Response: Thanks i work on on my grammar and i wont use * any more and again thanks
Author's Response: Thanks i work on on my grammar and i wont use * any more and again thanks
It's not great, but also not a bad fic. Here's some improvement suggestions:
- Use capitals to begin locations, names, nicknames and sentences with
- Don't use script-style actions, for example, "*yawns*" could be converted to, The figure yawned.
- Shadow's nickname is Shads, not Shadz
Hopefully the comes in usefull next time. :)
Author's Response: thanks for the tips
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