Wasn't too bad actually. I am slightly intrigued, and shall await to see how you improve upon this in the next chapter.

Hmm...its good, but some technical errors....need to put some kind of line break between scenes, like "---" or something similar...it was hard to tell when you were changing scenes...

Author's Response:

I know. :( I'm thankful for the fact that it's already formatted when I transfer it here, but I just noticed that the breaks didn't come out. >.o Curse you OpenOffice!! Dx But thank you for the review. ^w^