Ahahahahaha! Fanservice m'dear, and what a pleasure it has been. ^_^

Tara, it pains me to write this review, as I had been throughly entertained by your past endeavors. He is My Master is, by far, your great masterpiece. Surely, it's had its roller coaster moments, but at least by some point, its corrected itself, and the roller coaster drama no longer became distracting to the storytelling.

But THIS piece you wrote, while all intended to be a short fluff piece, was NOT executed well. AT ALL. The setting of the story in the present tense, while I do believe was your intent on writing, became little more than an eyesore distraction to telling the story. Nothing does so well when written in this manner, and I'm afraid, as good as I know you are as a writer, this has fallen within that pit.

Scene jumping also helped nothing, as I felt very little was even portrayed between each scene. A few thoughts, few words, a few actions, but nothing that could really stand out.

And as much as I wish I could smile and laugh at the last scene, I just could not make any connection to these characters whatsoever.

I don't know how long it took for you to think and write this out. I know you have your plate full with other fanfics. But this just felt like a random thought typed out somewhere between brainstorms for the other things you're writing.

IMHO, it would probably be better to take THIS story back to the drawing board and rethink it. Even as a one-shot piece of fluff, this could do far better. If you came up with this while sitting on writer's block for HIMM, that's cool. I just don't feel like this piece was seriously ready to be put out.

Please don't mistake this review for a generic "GET BACK TO WRITING HIMM!!!!" angry fan moment, because that is totally not the problem here. I promise you.

Author's Response: Well, the style is different, but I wouldn't say it's "worse" or "better", simply because some people liked it or didn't. While I usually like to use third-person, past-style narration with a heavy focus on description both of inner and outer environment (read: Wall Of Text), this time I simply did something different, which a lot of authors at some point will do. I've been reading quite a few stories written in this style over on ffnet, and while it won't become my favourite, it still intrigues me at times. Usually, I try to draw the reader in. My stories are written in a way that usually tells the story from inside the head of several characters and my aim is to make it feel as if one was actually immersed in the fictional world. This style...is different. For me, it always had a sort of etheral, dream-like quality to it, as if it was taking place in some sort of distant half-reality. I liked chosing that narrative style because it ties in nicely with Sonic being drowsy, disconnected and in a fever. Shorter sentences, random thoughts, disconnected scenes and erratic focus are no mistakes, but deliberately chosen techniques in this case. It's fine if you don't like it (the stories I mentioned I read generally don't have a lot of reviews - in case you're interested, I recommend Elfian aqua, she's got this style down to a t, while this is only my first attempt at writing anything in it) but please don't think of me as someone who posts half-finished pieces of ficwrecks. All of my stories have been worked on for at least a couple of weeks and are usually coming out more or less the way I intended them. But don't worry, I'm not mistaking this for a 'MOREHIMM!' comment here. I'm getting too many of those to not know how they look. -.-