The premise of this fic is rather interesting. I would like to see what happens next, but I do have a few pointers for you.

Try to write in the past tense. Present tense is a little harder to follow. I'll give you an example:

Sonic growls while he tries to break the bars of his prison. The walls seem to watch his useless efforts just as a pair of red eyes does the same. Sonic stops to look at the bars. They remained completely unharmed. “Stop it.” He bashes into the bars at full speed yelling wildly like a raging bull. The bars don’t move an inch. Sonic repeatedly attacks them over and over. Blood begins to coat the poles. “Stop it!” Shadow dashes into his path and grabs him. Sonic struggles in Shadow’s grip. “There’s no point in this! You’re only making things worse.”

This should be written more like:

Sonic growled while he tried to break the bars of his prison. The walls seemed to watch his useless efforts while pair of red eyes did the same. Sonic stopped to look at the bars. They remained completely unharmed.

“Stop it.” the black hedgehog advised.

Sonic bashed into the bars at full speed and yelled wildly like a raging bull. The bars didn't move an inch. Sonic repeatedly attacked them over and over until blood began to coat the poles.

“Stop it!” Shadow yelled and dashed into his path to grab him.

Sonic struggled in Shadow’s grip as Shadow added, “There’s no point in this! You’re only making things worse.”

Also, when dictacting when a flashback is happening, don't use standout words like "FLASHBACK!" and "FLASHBACK END!", instead, divide the flashback by dashes, or paragraph, and begin the flashback with "About -such a time- ago..." and end with something like "But now..."

Makes transitions much easier and less sloppy looking =3

Author's Response:

Thank you dude. I like how you have some intellect to put good AND bad things down. I'll keep these things in mind. And about the tense, I'm just used to writing like that, but truly, thank you for a decent review.